Seven Bad Habits--A New Approach
I read Rachel and Cherise's blogs on their diabetes bad habits. I also read Kerri's article Six Little Habits: The Bad Ones. Actually, my husband and I read it together last night. And he quite agreed with #1, #2, #3, couldn't really empathize with #4 being a diabetic guy, won't do #5 (too lazy but gives kudos to Kerri for trying), and agrees with #6.
So when I asked him to join the bandwagon and write down his bad habits he had this to say: "Why? She already covered every bad habit I have. And if I can't do #5 I'm sure not going to want to write down my bad habits."
Then he had a fantastic suggestion for me.
So here it is.
Seven Bad Habits as a Spouse of a Diabetic
1. Carb Counting: I know my husband takes a good guess at trying to anticipate how many carbs his meals have in them. I need to be more understanding that it's a pretty rough job. Especially when he tries to bolus for that nice dinner he takes me to on our date night. It's easy to underestimate how many carbs were really in a meal seeing as nice establishments rarely want to reveal how many carbs are really in their meals for fear no one would eat there again if we knew what a carb overload we were eating. I need to understand the gesture you made to make me happy and do something nice, and focus less on the aftermath of the high or low blood sugar.
2. Focus Less on the Mess: I can always tell when he's had a low in the night. I wake up to graham cracker boxes, peanut butter and milk scattered all over the counter. Crumbs, mushy crackers, and milk puddles litter the counter. I shouldn't complain, but hate when I have to scrub all of the crumbs that have now dried and stuck to the counter off, put away the mess and listen to you snore peacefully from the bedroom. It causes me to grumble. Sometimes a lot depending on how low the blood sugar was and how much food it required. I need to understand that you took the effort to get up in the middle of the night, not wake me up, and take care of your low yourself. And as much as I hate cleaning in general, I appreciate that you're still around to hear me grumble.
3. Giving You the "Look": You know the look. The "do you really think you should be eating that?" look. I'm sure that most wives give their husband's that look. I should've been understanding of the fact that we were on vacation away from the kids for the first time in a year. And that yes, you thought it meant a vacation from eating healthy for a day. The hour wait for my In N' Out burger was my idea, and the Jack in the Box tacos for breakfast were your idea. And you did have a great look of pleasure on your face as you devoured that steak and potatoes and 4 rolls. Of course, you were only trying to make me happy when you ordered me the large slab of chocolate cake and helped me eat half of it. And the ice cream tasted much better on it, you were right! I shouldn't have given you "the look" just because I opted for a salad since I don't eat steak. (Actually, I was holding out for the cake myself). And I should've been more understanding of the fact that your stomach was painful from eating all that food and that's why we couldn't go for a walk later on that night to burn those calories off like I wanted to. For the most part, you do a really good job of eating well and I should understand that as long as you cover it with insulin, you deserve a day once in awhile to enjoy food minus the "look" from me.
4. Which Brings Me to the Middle of the Night: No, I shouldn't have thrown the insulin pump to your side of the bed when it started beeping after you had that nice big meal and took over half your insulin in your reservoir. And I should be more understanding of the fact that if I wasn't such a light sleeper, your pump wouldn't bother me so much when you are just too tired to change it before going to bed and think you have enough insulin to last until morning. After all, you're just trying to save money by utilizing the amount of insulin you have left. I don't do that with our checking account. Ever.
5. Nagging After Our Dr. Doomsday Visits: I understand that the reason you won't bring me to your doctors appointments anymore is 75% my fault, and 25% yours. I need to understand that you have been through these Dr. Doomsday visits since you were 4 years old, and they can be depressing. I often buy into that and get mad at the things you aren't doing versus focusing on the things you are doing well. You live with the disease everyday. I'm a live-in bystander. Of course, I do have to give you 25% because your doctor does give you a lecture you often deserve. You could check your blood sugars more and listen to them once in awhile. There I go nagging again.... (Except I like to say I'm giving my expert opinion on the matter).
6. Just Let You Be Sick Once in Awhile: Yes, I can just let you have a headache without the accompanying, "did you check your blood sugar?" question. I can only imagine how annoying that is to you to get asked that by your Mom, your Dad, myself, and others when you have a headache or are sick. I should know that you probably have checked your blood sugar, and if you're incoherent that probably means you haven't checked it and that is where I should step in. I should also understand that even diabetics get sick and it doesn't have anything to do with your blood sugar being high or low in the first place. Sometimes, you just get sick.
7. "Did you Check Your Blood Sugar?" I'm aware that you are the diabetic. I am aware that you have lived with it since before you could remember. So why is it that I go into Mom overdrive and ask you every night at 9:30 and every morning before you leave the house if you've checked your blood sugars? Is it out of concern? Habit? Worry? Maternal instinct? The fact that I know you probably haven't checked? Why do I do it? I don't have an answer. But I know it drives you crazy because you are the diabetic and you are the one who has to check. All the reminders and "did you?..." 's in the world won't help you. They just piss you off. Maybe that's why....
Unfortunately due to my husband getting too heated over the discussion and making the list too long, we had to stop at seven steps. However, any of your ideas or suggestions would be welcomed.
References:
"Six Little Habits: The Bad Ones" www.sixuntilme.com
"Admitting Bad Habits" http://www.diabetesdaily.com/baumgartel/2009/09/admitting-bad-habits.php
"My 7 Bad Habits as a Diabetic" http://www.diabetesdaily.com/nicole/2009/09/02/my-7-bad-habits-as-a-diabetic/
So when I asked him to join the bandwagon and write down his bad habits he had this to say: "Why? She already covered every bad habit I have. And if I can't do #5 I'm sure not going to want to write down my bad habits."
Then he had a fantastic suggestion for me.
So here it is.
Seven Bad Habits as a Spouse of a Diabetic
1. Carb Counting: I know my husband takes a good guess at trying to anticipate how many carbs his meals have in them. I need to be more understanding that it's a pretty rough job. Especially when he tries to bolus for that nice dinner he takes me to on our date night. It's easy to underestimate how many carbs were really in a meal seeing as nice establishments rarely want to reveal how many carbs are really in their meals for fear no one would eat there again if we knew what a carb overload we were eating. I need to understand the gesture you made to make me happy and do something nice, and focus less on the aftermath of the high or low blood sugar.
2. Focus Less on the Mess: I can always tell when he's had a low in the night. I wake up to graham cracker boxes, peanut butter and milk scattered all over the counter. Crumbs, mushy crackers, and milk puddles litter the counter. I shouldn't complain, but hate when I have to scrub all of the crumbs that have now dried and stuck to the counter off, put away the mess and listen to you snore peacefully from the bedroom. It causes me to grumble. Sometimes a lot depending on how low the blood sugar was and how much food it required. I need to understand that you took the effort to get up in the middle of the night, not wake me up, and take care of your low yourself. And as much as I hate cleaning in general, I appreciate that you're still around to hear me grumble.
3. Giving You the "Look": You know the look. The "do you really think you should be eating that?" look. I'm sure that most wives give their husband's that look. I should've been understanding of the fact that we were on vacation away from the kids for the first time in a year. And that yes, you thought it meant a vacation from eating healthy for a day. The hour wait for my In N' Out burger was my idea, and the Jack in the Box tacos for breakfast were your idea. And you did have a great look of pleasure on your face as you devoured that steak and potatoes and 4 rolls. Of course, you were only trying to make me happy when you ordered me the large slab of chocolate cake and helped me eat half of it. And the ice cream tasted much better on it, you were right! I shouldn't have given you "the look" just because I opted for a salad since I don't eat steak. (Actually, I was holding out for the cake myself). And I should've been more understanding of the fact that your stomach was painful from eating all that food and that's why we couldn't go for a walk later on that night to burn those calories off like I wanted to. For the most part, you do a really good job of eating well and I should understand that as long as you cover it with insulin, you deserve a day once in awhile to enjoy food minus the "look" from me.
4. Which Brings Me to the Middle of the Night: No, I shouldn't have thrown the insulin pump to your side of the bed when it started beeping after you had that nice big meal and took over half your insulin in your reservoir. And I should be more understanding of the fact that if I wasn't such a light sleeper, your pump wouldn't bother me so much when you are just too tired to change it before going to bed and think you have enough insulin to last until morning. After all, you're just trying to save money by utilizing the amount of insulin you have left. I don't do that with our checking account. Ever.
5. Nagging After Our Dr. Doomsday Visits: I understand that the reason you won't bring me to your doctors appointments anymore is 75% my fault, and 25% yours. I need to understand that you have been through these Dr. Doomsday visits since you were 4 years old, and they can be depressing. I often buy into that and get mad at the things you aren't doing versus focusing on the things you are doing well. You live with the disease everyday. I'm a live-in bystander. Of course, I do have to give you 25% because your doctor does give you a lecture you often deserve. You could check your blood sugars more and listen to them once in awhile. There I go nagging again.... (Except I like to say I'm giving my expert opinion on the matter).
6. Just Let You Be Sick Once in Awhile: Yes, I can just let you have a headache without the accompanying, "did you check your blood sugar?" question. I can only imagine how annoying that is to you to get asked that by your Mom, your Dad, myself, and others when you have a headache or are sick. I should know that you probably have checked your blood sugar, and if you're incoherent that probably means you haven't checked it and that is where I should step in. I should also understand that even diabetics get sick and it doesn't have anything to do with your blood sugar being high or low in the first place. Sometimes, you just get sick.
7. "Did you Check Your Blood Sugar?" I'm aware that you are the diabetic. I am aware that you have lived with it since before you could remember. So why is it that I go into Mom overdrive and ask you every night at 9:30 and every morning before you leave the house if you've checked your blood sugars? Is it out of concern? Habit? Worry? Maternal instinct? The fact that I know you probably haven't checked? Why do I do it? I don't have an answer. But I know it drives you crazy because you are the diabetic and you are the one who has to check. All the reminders and "did you?..." 's in the world won't help you. They just piss you off. Maybe that's why....
Unfortunately due to my husband getting too heated over the discussion and making the list too long, we had to stop at seven steps. However, any of your ideas or suggestions would be welcomed.
References:
"Six Little Habits: The Bad Ones" www.sixuntilme.com
"Admitting Bad Habits" http://www.diabetesdaily.com/baumgartel/2009/09/admitting-bad-habits.php
"My 7 Bad Habits as a Diabetic" http://www.diabetesdaily.com/nicole/2009/09/02/my-7-bad-habits-as-a-diabetic/
Posted by Diabetic Parents at 9/4/2009 10:27 AM 
Categories: marriage
Tags: bad habits blood diabetic parents habits diabetes
Categories: marriage
Tags: bad habits blood diabetic parents habits diabetes
I can so relate to some of these as a T1 spouse - thanks for the shout-out for my T2 self "bad" habits!
--Rachel, no problem. Thanks for the comment. I'm glad you can understand. Traci
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What a great post and thank you for all of the great reminders. It is hard to watch the person I love not seem to take as good of care of themselves as I would like but it is their life and health. Me being naggy probably does not help as much as I would like to believe. Thank you for the great post.
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